Disrespecting old quilts

[SchnauzerFan]

I was setting in the Dr.s office yesterday and two ladies were talking (most likely mother and daughter). The mother was telling the daughter that it was just a ratty blanket and to just throw it out. The daughter (thank God) kept saying "but his Gramma made it when he was a baby, it's special." All the older woman kept saying was it's nasty and throw it away. Finally I could keep my mouth shut no longer. I told the younger of the 2 if she wanted to fix it or restore it to contact a quilter. Perhaps they would be able to help. Then I told her where to look on-line and in the area. I also told her that if it was something from his gramma and she loved him she would talk to him before throwing it away. It could mean the death of thier relationship. My question is though ...How can people be so ignorant as to not think that even if it is tattered and even if it is unrepairable, that quilt has special meaning and deserves respect. IT IS NOT GARBAGE! :evil: Maybe it is just me I don't know I just know that to me that quilt would be very special. Rachel

[SchnauzerFan]

All of my babies had a special blanket some had 2 my youngest had 1 and he love 1 of my night gowns I made it in to a blanket when he was 3 and then he got to be about 9 or 10 and I made it in to a pillow case he can use a no one will know what it was Happy

[snowplow3840]

I am the fortunate heir of belongings from about six generations in one or the other side of my family. I love these things and the stories that go with them and when my house becomes too full with the various and sundry things family sends on to me, I share them with other members of my extended family who have not had the good fortune to receive things from the family. I had to educate my dh though to the value of these things (not monetary but sentimental and family history value) His mother was a firm believer in the theory that if it didn't have a useful purpose it was a dust gatherer and she threw them out. When dh's grandmother died, dmil threw all of the grandmother's costume jewelry in a burn barrel and burned it. I was sick at heart because G'ma had so many things that had meaning in the memories of the times we had seen her wear and enjoy them. Quilts blankets tablecloths lace doilies had even less value. Fortunately dh learned his lessons well and does not discard things without asking. And ds and dd also learned well and appreciate the things they have been given and have their orders in for things I own. And dgd is already a collector of stuff so probably doesn't need much encouragement.

It makes me sad when I see people who do not value their heritage whether it is shown in things or just knowledge of the family but there is just too much here and now and throw away in the society so I guess I am fighting a battle that I cannot win except with my immediate family and friends.

Ann the perennial collector

[snowplow3840]

I go through this fight every time I go to my inlaws over Katie's flags and Sarah's blankie. Katie has several bright yellow poly-china silk flags that she adopted when she was about 18 months old. I was coaching a high school color guard and brought the practice flags home to wash one day. Needless to say 3 of the flags never made it back to the school. Katie has carried one of those things around with her ever since - she is 7 years old now. Sarah has a green fleece blanket she is much the same way about and she is 6 years old.

My inlaws constantly threaten to throw them away (especially the flags because they just don't get it), and can't understand why I do not rip these items from them since they are too old to have them. I tell them first of all I do set rules - they cannot take them out in public (although in the car is ok) or to school. They are washed frequently too.It would hurt them more for me to take these items away than it hurts them to have them now. I will make the blankies and flags into quilts for each of them when they are ready, and I have told them this already. Katie is almost there, and I found on the McCormicks color guard site where they sell the poly-china silk by the yard in every color under the rainbow, so I think I will have fun with that.

Ok, I'll get to the point now. Some people can't seem to see the point in such things - a rag is a rag to them. That seems so sad though. To me those blankies, quilts, and flags have so many memories wrapped up in their threads that it would be a travesty if they were lost, and I think it was wonderful that you were willing to stand up for and give advice to that young woman. I hope she saves her husband's quilt!

Mandy - who still has a really ratty teddy bear with half the stuffing knocked out and restuffed with cut up panty hose and old yarn (done by herself when she was 6 :wink: ) ops:

[jbtaz36]

I am the recipient of the family heirlooms including the Civil War quilt and various other quilts from the family. I am trying to teach my own children not to throw away any of the family's heritage. I also have my teddy bear that I have of picture of with me holding it when I was 2 years old. At some point, one of my pets chewed the paws and I had to sew it back together, but I still love it. I have saved a lot of my own children's dolls and have them sitting on the bed when the grandchildren come to sleepover at Gramma's. Judy in AZ

[jbtaz36]

Mandy I can to have a special doll that I fixed my self. It is the only thing left from my childhood. My aunt sent all my posessions home in garbage bags after spending 3 weeks with her. It was the only time my brother took out the garbage without being asked. Every thing a little girl holds dear was in those bags. Then 5 years later same brother decided to gut my bedroom and fix it while I was on a trip. Needless to say that was disasterous. My hubby laughed when he seen my dolly setting at such an important place Then I reminded him of the stuff he kept in the garage, in the basement, in his top dresser drawer, and in our closet. Including alittle peice of silk that was part of his baby blanket. He firmly denies it but I have witnesses who can testify otherwise plus I have photos. I also have his Yankees jacket from when he was 2 hanging in the closet. :P Rachel

[jbtaz36]

I made one of my grandsons a couple of quilts when he was born. He really attached to his "cowboys" and has loved it to death. The other set of grandparents feel it should be disgarded because it can be replaced with something from Target. I feel this quilt is a very important bond between my grandson and I.

[jbtaz36]

This topic reminds me of how my Mom acted when we cleaned out my Dad's closet after he died. My sister and I wanted to keep stuff and she kept saying "why would you want that junk, that's just silly". We wanted things that were his and parts of his life and she thought we were just being silly and sentamental. She couldn't see why certain things would mean something to us. It took a while and we had to fight her to stop throwing stuff out until we went through it, but she finally realized that he was OUR DAD and if it meant something to US then it wasn't her job to say we couldn't have it. She didn't need to understand why we wanted something, she just needed to allow us to want what we wanted for our own reasons!

That's why to some people, an old quilt is just a rag, but they need to respect that it might mean alot to someone else.

Sorry to ramble so, but it touched a nerve, I guess! Rain all day here in western NY. NA

[BethMI]

When my aunt was desperately trying to clean out her mother's house so she could move her into a senior apartment, she threw out a Victrola and a whole bunch of old Victrola records!

I have a problem with sentimental stuff, too. My daughter is now 21, and I still have a large basket sitting by my family room fireplace jammed to the gills with all her old stuffed animals that she played with as a child. I can still remember them all spread out over the floor, with her talking to each one (lecturing, really!).

I am trying to get my act together to make one Christmas ornament out of the fabric for each quilt I have made. My kids can split them up when I'm gone because they all have memories of all the decisionmaking and show-and-tells they endured while they were in progress!

BethMI

[BethMI]

Sometimes, it is important to honor the SURVIVING SPOUSES wishes. It cause pain and hardship to hold on to items that belong to the spouse that you have no use for. When my father in law died his kids wanted to save a lot of his belongings which I could respect but they wanted to save it at my mother in laws home. ( I made my husband take the things he wanted to our home. Tje belonging live in his den as a great memorial. He built a beautiful shadow box wall hanging of the " so called junk.) The other sibblings did not want to take the time to come and get the stuff they wanted. My mother in law needed to clean out his place so she could have her sister move in with her. ( A financial and emotional neccessity.) Ultimately she gave them over the summer to come and get the belongings. The remainder she sold in a garage sale then dontate to Goodwill or into the trash.

I know there were some hard feelings over the decision by the procrastanators but it was a necessary decision made by the woman who lived in the home, honored her husband while he was alive and needed to move on. It is one thing to want to honor a parent, a relative. As mush as I understand the need for family history. I always feel you should honor your loved ones while they are alive.

Maybe I will feel different about my own " TREASURES but I already made my quilters will out so it is ready to go. "

[BethMI]

To true about honoring those who are alive and when they pass giving those who want some of the possesssions a time line as to when they will no longer be available. What sarrows me about that whole story is that the entire summer these people could not be bothered to see thier mothers pain. I as a hospice nurse would tell my patients families to at least take 6 months if not a year before making major decissions. Unless they are made out of financial necessity. But do not throw away anything or move unless absolutely necessary. If you can not stand to look at the loved ones belongings and if possible then place the possessions in a room and close the door, or box them up and put them in the basement until you can face the memories. I can not tell you how many people tell me that on the first anniversary of the death the family would open these boxes and then divide up the belongings and remember and smile cry and laugh. Usually I will get a call or I will run into one of the family members and be told it was the best advise anyone could have given them. If you would like a funny personal memory my MIL died when my oldest was not quite 2years old. She loves peanut butter cups and he always called them Gramma Brenda candies. Their night time routine was read the Cat In The Hat and eat a mini PB cup. To this day his favorite book is The Cat In The Hat and PB cups are still called Gramma Brenda candies. He is now 14 1/2 years old. Some memories will never die Rachel

[cutup]

Rachel
My grandma made my Katie a quilt when she was born, the quilt is now 27yrs old and has see her 2 children and is now put away for theirs. So even if it is in bad shape you need to keep those things.....Jean

[cutup]

To true I found an old tattered quilt in the basement of my hubby's Gramma's basement. His aunt said that she was certain that Dad threw that out. Apparently Mom saved it. I am currently trying to fix it. No one knows I have it except hubby's aunt. She said if anyone would tressure it it would be me and smiled. I also found a whole bunch of various quilt blocks and boy are the peices in these blocks tiny. I am trying to decide the best way to preserve them. that would honor the Great grand mother that made them in 1901. I am definately open to suggestions Rachel

[cutup]

I saw a bit on my local news yesterday morning - I wish they would post a video link on their website but I couldn't find one. It was a lady in Columbus Oh who would work with children who had lost a parent. She would have them select articles of clothing, buttons, jewelry, etc, belonging to their parent and then assist them in designing their own memory quilts dedicated to their lost loved ones. The things the kids brought in - old ties, pajama pants, tee shirts - each thing was a memory for these children. It was wonderful to see them smile and even laugh as they talked about what each thing on their quilts meant to them. Very touching 8)

Also, my dh still has his father's dress shoes, his keys, and a few of his ties - his father died in 1984 and I would never even THINK of getting rid of those. The shoes are on our shoe rack, the ties are on the tie rack, and the keys are in a drawer and that is where they will stay until he decides to part with them.

[cutup]

My parents were foster parents for over 40 years. When I turned 12 they started taking in the really hard kids. The ones who most likely would never go back to their parents. They were teenagers and basically no one wanted them. We did though (most still call or come back). Anyway my mom would insist that they bring photos and momentos. What ever they could get from their old homes. Some could get nothing. The first thing we did was take their photo. Next we would give them a journal. My mother was great at scrapbooking back then. When every child left our home they left with a book full of memories. Every movie, carnival, field trip, reportcard,ect... you name it. She always started the book with "Old News" ,"The New You", and when they left she would write "The next chapter is up to you...only you can choose." Many have gone on to be wonderful parents and credit my parents for it. I know has nothing to do with quilting but my mom didn't like to sew lol. If she did though they would have had memory quilts. :lol: Rachel